Through My Eyes

Timing was everything.

Dude, Where’s My Mojo?

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No, not that mojo. Although, I could use an extra dose these days. It seems like the guys who are interested are not those whom I’d want to be involved with and those whom I am intrigued by are not ones I should entertain the idea of pursuing. Alright, enough with the internal conflict; it’s been a weird month in that department.

Lately, I’ve been looking down. You know when you travel, and you become this hungry sponge that’s unable to satiate your thirst for anything and everything around you? You walk the streets constantly looking up and down, and back and forth, and side to side – so as not to miss a thing. You go to bars, theaters, restaurants, museums, alley ways alone with your journal or camera, and it feels liberating to talk to the strange old man next to you. You wake up every day, excited to be unprepared for whatever might happen in the next hour, that you might get lost, that you might make the wrong turn and end up in a situation you won’t know how to describe to your friends back home. But lately, I’ve been looking down, straight ahead, and walking around like the living dead. I feel like some days go by, and I have literally¬†felt nothing. Not one single emotion.

I feel slightly claustrophobic, trapped. I feel like this semester, even though I’m taking a few classes that were just what I was looking for, is sucking the life out of me. I feel like I might be ready to leave San Francisco, after calling it home for 5 years. The weekends are starting to blend in with the weekdays, and I can only take so many more random Saturday nights on Polk street. It’s not that I don’t do other things. It’s that school, work, and other obligations have taken up so much time – so much of that free time I had a year ago – that I’ve forgotten how to be a sponge again.

I’m divided between what to do when I will have a break this winter and between graduating and going full-time next summer. Should I go to Toronto and New York next month to visit family, or go somewhere I haven’t been? Should I fly down to Mexico City in June to do some shooting for my doc project, or visit my old roommate in Abu Dhabi and explore some of the east? These sound like questions that belong here. Ugh.

I guess the only way to look at all of this is – this phase, funk, emo-binge – it’s going to pass. I just need to my mojo back.

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Written by winniewongsf

November 17, 2011 at 12:30 am

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged with , , ,

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