Through My Eyes

Timing was everything.

Archive for October 2010

Grasping at air

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According to Wikipedia, this is a Portuguese and Galician word difficult to translate adequately. It describes a deep emotional state of nostalgic longing for something or someone that one was fond of and which is lost. It often carries a fatalist tone and a repressed knowledge that the object of longing might really never return.

Saudade has also been described as a “vague and constant desire for something that does not and probably cannot exist, a turning towards the past or towards the future.” A stronger form of saudade may be felt towards people and things whose whereabouts are unknown, such as a lost lover, or a family member who has gone missing. It may also be translated as a deep longing or yearning for something which does not exist or is unattainable.

A stranger described this word to me last weekend, and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head. I’ve been overwhelmed by the weekly multimedia assignments due in my classes at AAU and by everything else going on that I really haven’t sat down to reflect on/write down what I need to do for the AIDS/HIV documentary.

I’ve met with Fernando a few times over the last few months, shot a few minutes of an anniversary party at Project Open Hand on Polk St., met with a mentor at SF Aids Foundation to talk about sitting in on support group meetings and collecting grant information and contacts for research, and spoke with several friends who are interested in joining the doc crew long term. With the 2 Korematsu PSAs now at the top of my priority list at the internship, I’m getting this feeling of: I don’t know if I can, or have the ability, to do it all (especially on my own). I feel very alone in what I have to do, what is expected of me, all within a short timeframe.

I know I am committed to completing everything that is expected of me, along with everything I expect of myself, but it’s starting to feel like a struggle every single day.


Written by winniewongsf

October 27, 2010 at 11:05 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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